Texas, here I come!

Well, some more details have been hashed out and it seems I'll be going to Texas.  I'm working on the details as to when and such, but the couple seem to want to discuss the surrogacy details in person rather than via e-mails, so Texas, here I come!  There's still the Kentucky couple, of course.  I've been texting and emailing and facebooking the wife.  They still seem great, but I don't feel like I can really make an informed decision without meeting the Texas couple.  Just hope everything works out and I feel educated enough after this trip to decide!!

Decisions, Decisions!

Heard back from the TX couple this morning.  Turns out they are OK with just 2 of us flying down there to meet them.  I explained that we decided it wasn't a very good choice to take our 2 young children to meet strangers a thousand miles away.  So now I have a dilemma.  Is it OK for me to meet both couples and see who I match with better?  I feel a connection to both, so I honestly don't feel like I can decide from just emails back and forth.  My problem lies in that I know it's expensive to do that.  For 2 of us to go to TX it's going to cost about $2,000 when you add in everyone's lost wages, daycare, flights, hotel and a rental car.  Of course they don't seem to think that's outrageous (being from small-town Iowa, I do!), but that's a lot of money to spend if you're just meeting someone who MIGHT become your surrogate. 
Right now it's looking as if I'll be taking a friend with me, Bubba's not much of a traveller, but that would open up more weekends to go.  I have to make sure it will work for my wonderful daycare provider, since she has said she will keep the boys if needed as long as it is on a weekend that works for her.  Of course, this is not a problem, and I'm more than happy to help her earn some extra money, especially when it's money that I don't have to pay!  So I guess I just have to figure out if it's OK to meet both couples and make the decision then.  Anybody have any input on that one?

Bond, James Bond?

Well, I know this sounds a bit hasty, but my Texas couple appear to be MIA.  I haven't heard from them in 3 days, since I sent the email saying I'd prefer not to take the boys down there to meet them.  I know, 3 days really isn't that long, but when you consider it was daily, sometimes twice a day that we were emailing back and forth before that, 3 days IS a long time.  I keep telling myself he must be on his way home from London and hasn't had time to email me yet. And I keep thinking maybe he works for the CIA or something and has to fill in his boss on the top secret information he gathered while he was there.  Either way, it's gotten me down :(  But, on the brighter side, I haven't stopped sort of looking (mainly responding to requests to see if we match) and just sent a list of questions to a couple I had sort of been interested in moving forward with before but we both thought we had found our matches.  They seem very nice, we kind of connected (they thought they had a surro from IA and so we were exploring the IA legal hurdles together...although they say a relationship formed in a stressful situation never sticks lol) and I'm excited to see if we match.  I know it's a very selfish thought, but I just keep thinking I want to hurry up and start insems so that I can be pregnant over the wintertime, not summer lol I don't think I'll be lucky enough to pull a nice cool summer like last summer was, I DO live in Iowa! 

Texas, Anyone?

Last I heard from the couple in Texas, he said that Bubba and I should come down and bring both of the boys.  I almost died, that's going to cost just over $2,000!  Even if just 2 of us go they're looking at about $1100.  But hopefully they'll agree to that, because I don't relish the idea of attempting to fly with an 8 month old and a 5 year old who can't sit still for more than 2 seconds!  I wouldn't be able to take stuff on the plane for the baby's formula, Zach would be that kid running up and down the aisles, and Bradin just had tubes so he would probably be screaming from the strange pressure.  For some odd reason I just don't see it ending well.  Especially since that would mean Bubba would seriously consider abandoning us at the airport when we landed!  hehe Nah, he'd never abandon us, but he'd make sure we didn't try it again any time soon! 
Also, just wanted to note that I think I might have figured out how to make sure you get emails when I post a new post, so if you want to receive one, get me your email and I'll throw it in there!

Everything's Bigger In Texas!

And apparently the need for me is bigger there, as well!  I've been talking back and forth for several days with a couple from Texas.  They like my fees, they seem to be a fit with all the preferences I have (no selective reduction, only term if medically necessary, relationship after birth, etc.) and the husband (whom I have been conversing with) said they think they are ready to call their attorney and have a contract drawn up!  Of course, I will be meeting them in person before I sign it, just to make sure we really do match, but WOW it might actually happen!!!  And for those of you who are worried, NO I won't be going to Texas alone lol I'll take a friend with me if Bubba can't go.  Anyway, that's all the news I have right now, not much but it's sure exciting!!  Everyone keep those fingers crossed and keep saying those prayers!!  I hope this is the end of my search! 

The Roller Coaster Ride

Just wanted to update everyone that this might actually become a real possibility sometime soon!! I have been conversing with a couple from Texas for a while now, they seem like they're ready to move forward with me!! And I think they'll be an alright match!  Of course, things might fall apart now that I said something, but sometimes I just can't contain my excitement!!  They did ask if I would be able to travel for them, so that leads me to believe that they want to do insems in Texas, but hey, I'm ready for a vacation!  Asl ong as it'sn ot more than a few days, I'll be OK!  Gotta go celebrate with some chicken fajitas!!! WOO HOO!!!  Everyone say a prayer that this might be my match and keep your fingers crossed!!! 

People Want Me!!

Wow, I didn't really think I'd be that wanted!  Last post I said I posted a classified ad on one of the surrogacy sites...in the first 2 or 3 days I got a couple dozen email responses!  Several of them I simply wouldn't match with, but wow.  So at this point I'm looking closely at about 4 or 5 couples and 1 agency that I can't drop (she keeps saying my BMI isn't an issue, but I just don't see how they don't have BMI requirements).  I have had the decency to send nice "no thank you" emails to the people I simply won't match with and have gotten replies from most of them thanking me for responding.  Trust me, I've reached out to a few and the ones who don't respond stress me out lol!  The not knowing is MUCH worse than the kind "no".  And I'm being sure to warn them all about the legal expenses associated with Iowa.  (the lady from the agency said Iowa is a good state for surrogacy, that's a first!) Anyway, that's my update for today.  Is school ready to start yet?  Summer is long already!!

I'm in the classifieds!

Well, it may seem strange, but there are actually classified ads for surrogates and IPs.  No, I'm pretty sure they're not in the local newspaper, but there are several websites where you can "advertise" yourself for free.  I have been browsing the classifieds for quite some time now, but it just seemed easier to let them come to me.  I feel a little weird still looking, but it's not like I'm desperately seeking out ANY IPs that will have me.  I am still somewhat committed to the Chicago couple, but we left it at if someone (I or they) find a match before I lose the weight and we get a contract signed, then it's not meant to be.  I kind of feel like I'm cheating, lazily browsing when I'm bored, but I also don't want to put all my eggs in their basket, so to speak.  I'm continuing on with the impression that they are the couple for me, but I suppose there could be a better match for me.  Again, we're back to the "waiting is the hardest part"...I just don't know what to do with myself!!! 

Waiting is the hardest part!

Wow.  I hate waiting.  I know I haven't posted in the past few days, but nothing has really gone on!  I did get info from an attorney here in Iowa about how much a PBO (pre birth order, basically says the IPs would be the parents, not me and Bubba, on the birth certificate) would cost.  For a GS it would be $3,000 plus expenses (usually around $500) and for a TS it would be $6,000 plus expenses (apparently 2 court proceedings required for TS so it doubles the cost).  Why does it have to be so expensive?!  I know that EVERYTHING about the surrogacy process is expensive and time consuming, but it seems the one common complaint in EVERY surrogacy arrangement is dealing with the legalities.
But I've been browsing the surrogacy classifieds and replied to a few who have in turn replied to me.  One of the main drawbacks is for a GS most RE's want a BMI that is below 30.  Sadly mine is 35.5.  The couple who is using the clinic in Chicago's RE only requires below 35.  That means about 5 lbs I need to lose.  I've already lost about 10 since beginning the surrogacy adventure.  Not bad but as we all know, the farther we get down on that scale, the harder it is for the pounds to come off (especially when your husband suggests spaghetti and garlic bread for supper and you eat 3 pieces of garlic bread, fully knowing there's 10 grams of fat in EACH SLICE!!!)
Anyway, I get to go play mommy now, hope you all enjoy reading about nothing happening!

Here's a laugh for everyone!

I know some or most of you might have seen this on facebook, but I got a pretty big kick out of it for some reason.  Bohemian Rhapsody is one of my favorite songs, maybe that's it?  Either way, check this out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch#!v=80olbDws8r0

Hope it at least brings a smile to your face!!  Enjoy!

The Waiting Game

Well, I know this is way off subject, but today started out a bit rough, couldn't get to sleep last night so I was awake till midnight, and as usual, babies have that 6th sense and wake up extra early when you need to sleep in!  5 1/2 hours of sleep just isn't quite enough to function correctly!  Anyway, Zach's ride to VBS had 2 sick kids, so I got to take him.  I'm glad for that for 2 reasons: 1. I got to stop and chat with some "old" (from a while back, they're very young!) friends whom I hadn't seen for a while and 2. I got to observe Zach in his native habitat.  Unfortunately, Zach in his native habitat isn't always a good thing.  You know how no matter where you go (if there's kids there) there's bound to be that ONE kid who runs around like a heathen, can't sit still for more than 1 second and doesn't listen to ANYBODY when everyone's screaming for him to stop because there's a car about to hit him or something? Well, that's my Zach.  I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just want him to be someone else's problem!  Especially in public!  I know it's always more embarrassing when it's your kid, the other parents are probably thinking "wow, glad it's not just mine who does that!" but we are fairly consistent with the "fun" behaviors. Anyway, enough about the "joys" of parenting, back to surrogacy.  The joys of carrying someone else's baby!

So today is just another day in the waiting game.  Waiting for the Chicago IPs to get back from a vacation to see how they feel about the whole Iowa legal thing, waiting for the PA IP's to discuss my fees and get back to me on whether or not they're agreeable to them. I hate waiting.  I wish it was all instantaneous, I shoot them numbers, they come right back with a yes or no.  I can take a no, there's always other IPs.  The waiting is the hardest part!!
Oh, and I must mention I've gotten LOTS of compliments on this blog, which surprises me.  I can't imagine why you all really want to sit there and read me babbling on and on about this and that...although I do it so why should it surprise me??  I suppose I'm more interesting to others than I am to myself!  Thanks everyone for the support!   Now, back to those wonderful kiddos of mine.  They're around here somewhere, right? hehe

Surrogacy Information

So somebody was asking me questions about surrogacy and it struck me, that not everyone has done the research I've done (not that I know that much about it!) but I'll take the time to clue you all into a few things I do know.  First off, the abbreviations:

IPs- Intended parents: the mommy and daddy of the little one
LO-little one: the baby
IM-intended mother
IF-intended father
2ww-2 week wait: the 2 weeks after insemination or implantation where you WAIT WAIT WAIT to see if it took and you're preggers
?dp 2ww- replace the ? with a number and it's # of days past the 2ww.  This has something to do with whether or not you're pregnant, but I'm still slightly confused about this.  Anybody has any info, feel free to contribute!!
insems-inseminations: when the sperm is put into the surrogate's uterus
transfer: transfer of pre-fertilized egg (or embryo)
TS: traditional surrogate/surrogacy: when the surrogate's egg is used, she would be inseminated with the IF's sperm, either in her home or at a clinic via IUI
IUI-intrauterine insemination: a dr puts the sperm in the traditional surrogate's uterus to fertilize one or more of her eggs
GS-gestational surrogate: fertilized eggs/embryos is implanted in the surrogate's uterus where hopefully at least 1 attaches and becomes the baby

I think that pretty much covers the abbreviations.  If you don't understand anything I post, please don't hesitate to ask.  Sometimes I use abbreviations thinking "well, I know what it means, why doesn't everyone else?" lol I'm not the brightest at times! 

And for those of you wondering, I went into this thinking I was only open to GS.  The further I get into it, I'm also open to TS.  Yes, it's my egg, but to be honest, why wouldn't I want to share it with someone else who can't produce them?  I recently had a friend who had a "garage give-away" instead of a garage sale.  She gave away (as did her friends who were also inclined) things she no longer needed or wanted and thought someone else could use.  It's the same with my eggs.  I'm not planning to use them.  Should I just throw them away when there's women out there who are unable to produce their own?  God gave me the eggs, I need to share them.  And you may say "But, Abbe, won't you feel a connection to that baby, with it being your egg and all?"  Yes, I may feel a connection, but to be honest, I simply couldn't claim the baby as my own, for 2 reasons: Bubba isn't the father, and I truly do feel like my little family is complete.  We've practically grown out of our house, (speaking of which, if anybody has a nice 3-4 bedroom house they want to give me, I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands!) and I just have this feeling of completeness.  I also plan to maintain a relationship after the birth.  I would prefer a fairly open relationship, where I can send cards and gifts at birthdays and such, sort of like a distant aunt or something, but if the IPs are only comfortable with them emailing me photos and updates, I'm OK with that as well.  Those of you who know me, know that I like to give, so of course I want to be able to give gifts!! 

Alrighty, I hope that explained a few things for you all, like I said ask any questions you want.  If I don't know the answer, I'll do my best to figure it out!!

Matching: MUCH worse than dating!

First let me introduce myself.  My name is Abbe, I live in Iowa.  I've lived here all my life and for the most part, I love it here.  I have 2 boys, a 5 year old, Zach, and a 7 month old, Bradin. I love my boys...and they're boys through and through!!  They love to get dirty, play outside, help "work" on projects (it's an added bonus if it's a messy project!), ride motorcycles, and wrestle around.  Also, I'm a gabber (even online!), so don't start reading a post with only a minute to spare, it's going to take you longer than that, I can almost guarantee it! Those of you who know me will understand!
Since shortly after Zach was born (it was a FANTASTIC pregnancy-I was one of those pregnant women other women hate...never really complained, enjoyed almost every aspect of being pregnant) I started thinking about surrogacy.  Not really seriously, since I knew I wanted another child eventually, but thinking about it.  Last March we were surprised to find out we were going to have Bradin, and after he came along we were sure we were done having kids.  Then I began thinking more seriously about surrogacy. 
I can't imagine how it would feel to be told you can't have children.  As a mother, there's nothing better than the feeling of your baby kicking inside you, giving birth to him, then watching him grow up into a little gentleman!  While I know I'll never be able to help infertile women feel those pregnancy feelings, I can help by providing the biological child they crave so badly. 
So, here is where it starts: On April 9, 2010 I was looking online at a surrogacy community website, surrogatemother.com  and got to chatting with a wonderful couple from near Chicago.  Long story short, we just clicked.  We exchanged emails, several per day, for a while, then I sent them numbers for a contract, such as what I'd like to receive if I had to undergo a c-section, amniocentesis, or any other invasive procedure.  Also, what expenses they would cover in addition to any medical bills.  Everything seemed to be going well, they were just concerned about the Iowa surrogacy law.  Since there is NO Iowa surrogacy law, it makes it a bit more complicated.  In Illinois, they are able to simply go to an attorney, draw up a contract which includes the numbers we all agree on, have everyone sign it, and away we go to the clinic to begin transfer.  In Iowa, you have to get a pre-birth order (PBO).  From talking to a surrogacy attorney here in Iowa, it sounds like you just have to fill in the blanks in a form she has made up, she files it in my county with a judge, judge usually signs off on it that day (one time a judge wanted to look at it a bit closer, so it was 2 days later when that one was signed off on), then after the baby is born, file an amendment with baby's name and such so the IP's (Intended Parents) names can be put on the birth certificate.  Not  too difficult, right? and that way it's all legal I suppose.  Anyway, this has been bothering the IL couple, along with the fact that their RE (reproductive endocrinologist) has viewed my medical files and states that I'm good to go except my weight.  They want my BMI (body mass index, there's a formula using height and weight to figure it,but you can find free BMI calculators all over the place on the internet) below 35.  So, after about 2 months of talking with the IPs from Illinois, we left it at while I lost the weight (only about 5 lbs away today!) we'd just wait and if I or they found someone else in the meantime, then it wasn't meant to be. 
Today I was online and a lady just randomly started chatting with me.  At first I was very confused, thinking "Am I supposed to know this lady?" then I realized she was searching for a surrogate.  This couple is from Pennsylvania and they seem like a very nice couple. Our husbands have 1 thing in common: harleys.  Anyway, she and I chatted for a while this morning and I sent her my contract numbers I had sent to the other couple, and she and her husband are going to discuss them and get back to me.  The drawback to the IL couple is that they were hoping we could deliver in IL so they don't have to do the PBO.  The PA couple is happy with me using my regual OB (the AMAZING Dr. Heather Marthers from Washington, IA) and delivering there.  I know Dr. Marthers was very excited the day I went into her office to drop off the address to send my records to and sign the release.  I can only imagine how excited she will be to doctor a surrogacy!! 
Anyway, that's me and the beginning of my journey.  The hardest part (from what I understand) is matching.  I can't wait to find that perfect couple and add them to my "family".  As the IM (intended mother) I spoke with this morning said "you can't go through everything a surrogacy entails and NOT become like family!" I love ti and I'm going to remember it forever!